Last year I meant to post on Mothers Day and now, thinking back, it was likely too soon. Too raw still. But now, I often wonder if I’m too comfortable with her gone, as callous as that sounds. Not that I don’t want different but more like my day-to-day has reached equilibrium without her presence. Now, 1.5 years later, it’s almost harder, the pain of her loss more sharp or big or something. Facebook memories sting, not just the pictures of us but mainly her witty comments. Just the other day I responded to her comment. I told her that I love her and I miss her very much. I really do. She was so GD lovely and she was everyone’s best friend. This past week I really needed her. I needed her to give me objective, sound advice. I even went so far as to text my brother and ask him to play LoLo for about 45 minutes. He declined because he was trying to get his rescue squirrel to take a nipple, because of course he was. Luckily it was day time in Australia and I just so happen to have a Monica over there (under there?). Thank you to Monica.
I’m thankful she was my mom. She didn’t always get it right but who does? Not me. Parenting is tough and it sucks sometimes. Not sure how LoLo did it as a single mom of 2 kids with less than no money. Working 2 jobs, going to school and driving cars that were more rust than they were car. And, most importantly, I’m still alive. That there proves Laurie showed great patience and murderous restraint. Talk to any of my mom’s friends and they’ll fill you in on LoLo’s adventures with her red headed daughter; the teenage years. It’s scary stuff for sure. There was a shift between us after her brother Tim died. They were so close and I think in a way I wanted to fill that slot for her, at least try. I think I did an ok job acting as her middle-aged, gay brother, as much as I could be.
To my Mom-I love you and I miss you so effing much. If you have any sort of way to let me know you’re still here, like whispering winning lotto numbers in the wind or similar, that’d be dope. If not, it’s cool, you’re likely busy dancing with Ron and eating French fries with Chardonnay.
Such a beautiful description of you and your mum. Lots of hugs to you. I still miss Laurie so much. 🤗😘
It seems like a bad dream that she is gone. I still can’t get used to it. Every time there’s a cool breeze that makes me shiver in my bed I know it’s Laur. Not sure what she’s doing but I know she’s making me cold.
Love you and you would be very proud of Kristin!